pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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