FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
