her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
