I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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