i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
