Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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