That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
