Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
