I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
