I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
