i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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