who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
