The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Less talking, more tequila
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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