6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
