shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
