Cold hands, warm shart.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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