Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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