I'm drive I can fine osifer
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
