I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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