This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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