All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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