someone get that fucking seahorse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
