Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
