I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
