we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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