it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
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it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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