Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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