You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
