When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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