I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
