I didn't shave. On purpose
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
