I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
