so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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