i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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