I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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