The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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