the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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