Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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