Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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