The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
