you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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