Will you blow on my dice?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
