This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
