The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
