I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
True strength comes from lack of pants
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
