Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
