He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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