Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
