fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
