I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
