im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
