apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
