I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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