on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
