South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Panties = found
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
