I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
