Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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