i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
