It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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