Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Couch. On fire.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
