Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
