i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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