I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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