You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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