it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
