have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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