I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
