I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
