brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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