If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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