The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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