I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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