they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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