so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
