a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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