you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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