Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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