Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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